The Sea, the scar and the gift of Life!

THE SEA , THE SCAR AND THE GIFT OF LIFE,!

It's been ten years since the dreaded waves hit! While life has gone on and lot has happened since, mostly good, any thought or talk of the Tsunami always brings with it thoughts of .. What if?? Every time I look at the sea ..every single time in the last Ten years I have never escaped thinking of the day when we were in Hikkadua, Sri Lanka ..with  family to celebrate my husbands 50 th, ..our resort was devastated  by the waves that crashed into our lives! The waves may have receded but the destruction they caused was not to property and life alone.. The waves have etched themselves indelibly in my mind and heart and I am sure in all of us who were there that day.. Ten years ago!
Every time I see waves I cannot but recall the swell of the sea , gradually , ominously (in perspective) building up while we were enjoying a leisurely breakfast on the beach, talking about friends, relatives, world affairs and ironically even about the tsunami scare in Australia the newspapers had reported about..not knowing that in a matter of minutes we would be living that experience.
I can never forget the sound of the Tsunami waves made as they crashed into our lives! So much so that every time a heavy duty fan starts up I get startled and go back to that day.
I can never forget the muddy, grimy, grey almost opaque colour of the water that rushed into our room and with vicious force uprooted furniture, luggage and hurled us up to the ceiling.. Clutching on to sinking pieces of furniture to stay afloat.
I can never forget the feel of the water..gritty , slimy, oily, with so much of floating stuff in it that when we were trying to swim to the other side of the room to try and get out, our feet kept getting entangled in...well no one knows what!!
I can never forget the vision and the feel and the sound of the wave as it receded from our room, sucking out furniture, our luggage, luckily leaving back the heavy bed floating as it was too big to be sucked out of the bay windows... Giving us a lifeline to hold on to .. To avoid being pulled into the sea and become yet another number in the huge list of casualties.
I can never forget the sharp pain I felt on my arm.. too trivial at that time, but a wound the scar of which I still carry on my left arm..
That to me is the most potent reminder of how easily it all could have ended..a scar that keeps me ever thankful for being alive.. The difference between life and death is a nano second.. And during the Tsunami I experienced it!!
Ten years back ,it took me almost twenty days to be able to sleep ,so haunted was I by the thoughts of what could have been!! I then needed to purge or exorcise the demons out of my mind... It all came pouring out in the way I know best...in words.

Thoughts of destruction haunt me,
The spectre of death seems within my grasp.
The mind floods with dark memories,
Like the muddy churning of the sea..

I see death flashing before my eyes.
The relentless shutter comes crashing down
Imprisoning the torturing emotions,
Trapping the haunting sound of cries.

Fears about loved ones suffocate me,
Holding my heart in a strong tightening vice.
Visions of deep despair float by,
Emotions of dread will not let be.

I need to escape from the strife,
When will the drowning darkness release me?
When can I breathe fresh air,
I need to get on with my life.

That was ten years ago. Time is a wonderful healer.. But every time I see the sea, glance at my scar, I always do think of what could have been... But almost immediately I also thing of what is and how lucky I am  to be alive and having got a second life and my scar ...a gift specially for me from the sea!!

HOW DARE THEY.

HOW DARE THEY !! 


              This month marks the tenth year Anniversary of the dreaded Tsunami that took hundreds of lives and created havoc and mayhem in the lives of thousands of people who lived or had visited the coastal areas during the Christmas break. We , the three of us and seven family members were at Sri Lanka when the dreaded waves crashed into our resort and annihilated the property. We were incredibly lucky and, as my husband stated to a friend... Ten of us went and ten of us returned!! That expressed a wealth of gratitude to call it God or any Force or even Nature for having spared all of us! Though time has blunted , to some extent the 'punch in the solar plexus ' raw wave of sheer terror of the experience, I can never forget the utter fear and dread we felt as we could not immediately locate our daughter, Shruti! It is a feeling that will remain with me all my life and no words can describe the unadulterated relief and joy of finding her safe, with her grandmother, aunts, uncle and cousins !!
         It took me months to heal and soothe the trauma of the experience. The sea became my adversary and I internally berated Nature for being so heartless and ruthless.. It took me time to realise that Nature did not have a heart, a soul or any other emotion that singled out a human being from the rest of creation. It was a force, a law ,as it were, into itself... We harm it, it fights back not discriminating between the innocents and the perpetrators! It can be more destructive than an army but it does not discriminate!! Nature can flatten out your life but then it is a external entity we have no control over.

         What, however , has been consuming me the last few days was the mindless massacre of innocents in Peshawar... Why?? What did the poor children do to deserve being mowed down by terrorists?? What did the parents of the children do to deserve to feel the sheer grief at the loss of their children?? Many of my friends have written about it, expressed their angst at this inhuman dastardly act of a few who DARED to call it collateral damage and dared to justify their actions and dared to take credit for the slaughter.. 
    I was not able to find words to express the sheer rage that built up inside me.. The empathy I felt with the poor parents of those unfortunate children. I know what I felt ten years ago when for all of fifteen minutes I could not find my daughter after the waves hit. I can only think of how much grief they must be feeling knowing that they sent their children off to school with hope for their future.. Made plans for the rest of the day and the rest of their lives.. Only to have it all taken away by lowlife scum who DARE to presume logic in their actions. And I am also wild at all those who dare to express that because it has happened across the border it was bound to happen and that now they will realise what it is to be victims of terror!! How can humans be so callous and still presume that they have the right to be called human!

     My rants may just remain that !  Rants..  But it is time we realise that we are humans with the privileges of heart, mind, intelligence, and soul ! We cannot act as though we are not accountable! No one gives us the mandate to destroy life or property of others!
     A tsunami cannot be explained !! Such acts of terror Should Not Be Explained away!! 

NONE OF US HAVE THE RIGHT TO PRESUME OUR IDEOLOGY  OR BELIEFS OR RELIGION GIVES US THE AUTHORITY TO TAKE THE LIVES OF INNOCENTS,!!
R.I.P.   Little ones ... My heart bleeds for you!!