And the Mask goes On!

I am not predictable. I have been known to speak the most unexpected, dress ' differently', and my make up and accessories are ,to put it mildly, stated. One  constant aspect, however, has been the fact that I always have my make on..whenever I step out of my home..and sometimes even at home.

In fact my friends state that make up, and that too the lipstick is my trade mark feature! My daughter always says that her early memories of me are always of the 'lipsticked' me!

When I think of when my love affair with lipstick started , I realise that it was when I started working.... Way back in 1981. Out of college, the whole world in front of me, I embarked on my career journey and on the first day at work I instinctively picked up that innocuous looking capsule- lipstick. I have never been without one..errr few...actually many,many of them since.
Putting on my shrink cap , I have tried to think about the reasons for this need to have my make up on. Is it vanity? No.. Not really. Is it the need to be different( let me tell you not many folks, especially of my vintage, use make up regularly?..that's not it too. What then is the reason??

I had a 'Eureka' moments of sorts, the other day when I happened to glance at one of my - almost forgotten I had written them- poems.Called  The Mask the poem expresses the need to put on and take off the 'mask'. That is probably the reason why as an inherently very private, in my own thoughts sort of person I felt the need to put on that 'mask' aka makeup, to help cope and to help me be that 'outside' person.

I am not sure however, whether the same subconscious reasons are relevant anymore. I love my make up, my lipsticks, and putting on ,what I call my 'face'. I have come to love and to enjoy my public persona and to a large extent have internalised it. Today my make up and especially my lipsticks are me!!

It was not always a easy journey as I had expressed in my poem many years ago. Today I have the courage and confidence to let you peek into my real world.. Conflicts, contradictions and of course the 'game' face.

                  

                  Smiling and drifting

                  Laughing and dancing,

                  Twirling without a care.

                  Getting into a whirlpool,

                  Pulled into the abyss,

                  I gasp for air.

                  Pulling and tearing,

                  Grasping and gasping

                   I writhe in pain.

                   Tear out the facade,

                   Wipe away the blood,

                   And....see me again.

And I do see me. That is all that matters!