And the Mask goes On!

I am not predictable. I have been known to speak the most unexpected, dress ' differently', and my make up and accessories are ,to put it mildly, stated. One  constant aspect, however, has been the fact that I always have my make on..whenever I step out of my home..and sometimes even at home.

In fact my friends state that make up, and that too the lipstick is my trade mark feature! My daughter always says that her early memories of me are always of the 'lipsticked' me!

When I think of when my love affair with lipstick started , I realise that it was when I started working.... Way back in 1981. Out of college, the whole world in front of me, I embarked on my career journey and on the first day at work I instinctively picked up that innocuous looking capsule- lipstick. I have never been without one..errr few...actually many,many of them since.
Putting on my shrink cap , I have tried to think about the reasons for this need to have my make up on. Is it vanity? No.. Not really. Is it the need to be different( let me tell you not many folks, especially of my vintage, use make up regularly?..that's not it too. What then is the reason??

I had a 'Eureka' moments of sorts, the other day when I happened to glance at one of my - almost forgotten I had written them- poems.Called  The Mask the poem expresses the need to put on and take off the 'mask'. That is probably the reason why as an inherently very private, in my own thoughts sort of person I felt the need to put on that 'mask' aka makeup, to help cope and to help me be that 'outside' person.

I am not sure however, whether the same subconscious reasons are relevant anymore. I love my make up, my lipsticks, and putting on ,what I call my 'face'. I have come to love and to enjoy my public persona and to a large extent have internalised it. Today my make up and especially my lipsticks are me!!

It was not always a easy journey as I had expressed in my poem many years ago. Today I have the courage and confidence to let you peek into my real world.. Conflicts, contradictions and of course the 'game' face.

                  

                  Smiling and drifting

                  Laughing and dancing,

                  Twirling without a care.

                  Getting into a whirlpool,

                  Pulled into the abyss,

                  I gasp for air.

                  Pulling and tearing,

                  Grasping and gasping

                   I writhe in pain.

                   Tear out the facade,

                   Wipe away the blood,

                   And....see me again.

And I do see me. That is all that matters!

The jury is out!

Sipping a cup of coffee on a Saturday morning, my husband just thought out loud-- why does not someone start a newspaper on an online magazine ONLY highlighting women's issues?? That set me on a thought stream... But why aren't there any, any such forums for expression??? Maybe there are.. But not many know about them.... Then I wondered why not?? Because there is no single issue to unite all of us!! There is no commonality in our experiences that is strong enough to make us bond!! Wait... What crap am I talking?? Of course there are issues the each and every one of us face.. But do not have the time, energy,will or inclination to articulate. And then comes the most used line.. How does it matter??
I realise that I am guilty of the greatest hypocrisy! Pretending that all was hunky dory with my situation! It is NOT! I realise that I do want to express certain issues.. at least put it out there for all to react to.
I start with my Body... Is it truly mine?? I take care of it, clothe it, adorn it,keep it in fine fettle! But for what and for whom? My body is seen as a vessel for procreation, a form for release of sexual urges( hard wired into the male DNA we are told) ,a robotic machine for taking on the chores, an ATM in the case of millions of women who work , a tool to sell anything from a faucet to a Jet engine, above all the focus of the basic as well as kinky fantasy of 53% of our population.
Is it truly mine??? What control do I have over it?? I can protect it... Be careful not to get molested or raped, shrink into myself to avoid getting groped..... But what can I do about what some one else is thinking, fantasising, lascivating, ??
Do I really have control over my body when I am told that the onus on not tempting men is solely on ME?... I may be fully and modestly clothed but I still cannot stop men from mentally stripping and molesting me.... And acting on it the minute they get a chance!!
What control do I have over my body when I am like a ticking trigger to , in a trice turn men into bestial lowlife forms just because they can...and in many cases get to act on such urges..
So what do women do?? I pose a counter to my husband---- is it women who really need to talk about these issues or is it the men.. The jury is out!!!